By Anonymous

[Note: Trigger warning for sexual violence]

Taken advantage at age 11.
She was like a porcelain doll, safe in a shelter for 10 years.
Until one day a boy decided to play with her and break her.
A beautiful innocent girl, who already felt lonely inside.
She thought he was gonna save her.
Didn’t know he was just gonna use her.
No soul, no moral, no care in his heart.
But he painted the perfect picture in her mind.
This was a game to him but this was real to her.
Manipulating her.
Verbally, mentally, physically abusing her.
The word sorry made it alright.
She thought he loved her and this was his way of showing it.
Telling her “I love you” without no meaning.
With out no care in his heart that she’ll be stupid enough to believe it.
So she gave him everything in her power, even something so precious to her, her innocence.
But he ain’t care how she felt, he just cared to get satisfied.
He was winning, she was losing.
Making her believe she was nothing without him, she believed it.
But listen this girl was empty before meeting him.
Her father wasn’t around like that.
The one who was suppose to be her hero was gone, nowhere near.
Didn’t have the love of a father.
She thought she found that love she was missing from him.
But she ain’t know he was like a lion in the wilderness seeking fir his next victim, which was her.
The victim of an asshole.
Who used her, broke her, made her cry.
This was when she was truly introduce to pain.
He was done with her, so he let her go.
On to the next one, there he goes.
Every night she would cry.
She wasn’t the same, she was lost in the pain.
He came back one day, made her relive her nightmare but this time
He ain’t hurt her, he destroyed her.
This time she was a victim of rape.
She screamed, she cried but she was hopeless.
While he was penetrating, he was whispering in her ear “I Love You”
But how can you hurt a person you love this bad, make them feel hopeless?
Making them feel like a sharp knife, just stab her heart and she was dying.
She was trying to get him off but she was weak
Both mentally and physically.
She screamed for help but no one helped her
No one heard a voice.
A voice with so much pain, so much hurt, so much anger.
He ain’t stop till the phone rang.
She blamed herself for everything.
For being stupid, for believing his lies.
She really got lost in misery.
She played with fire and got burned.
It was like she was in hell, being burn alive.
No scars in the outside but deep scars in the inside.
That till this day haven’t been able to heal.
She’s not the same girl, she was before.
The girl who would always smile.
She’s filled with so much emotions.
She can’t help but to hide.
Her heart died, it didn’t survive the pain.
This pain created a different girl.
This girl is ME!

Editor’s note: If you or somebody you know is a survivor of sexual abuse or assault, please reach out for help. Call the Safe Horizon Rape Crisis/Sexual Abuse Hotline at (212) 227-3000 to find the nearest rape crisis program. Rape, molestation, and any other unwelcome sexual advances are never your fault. Safe Horizon offers confidential counseling services and support groups.